3 days and counting

I'm down to 3 days until surgery.  Dealing with my last day at work for several weeks.  I'm emotionally drained.  The nerves and anxiety are finally getting to me.  I'm starting to think I won't be having that last period I was expected.  I guess the nerves messed that up. 

I have to do a bowel prep prior to surgery.  I'm not looking forward to this at all.  I have a condition called emetophobia.  It is the fear of vomit, vomiting, and anything to do with vomit.  The thought of forcing some nasty drink down my throat makes me gag and kicks the fear of puking into high gear.  Yes, I know nobody likes throwing up but I have a full blown anxiety attack.  Laugh it up.  Its about as funny as my big, strong police officer husband being scared of a little spider.

Yesterday I met with my oncologist's surgery nurse to go over my pre-op and post-op instructions.  There are some things I would rather not know but thanks to our government, everything has to be disclosed and understood by the patient.  I didn't need to know that the doctor will be filling my abdomen with a liquid then sucking it out to go to pathology. 

I also had my blood work done for the hospital yesterday.  I am not scared of needles nor does having my blood drawn ever bother me.  However, this woman tore me up.  I have never had a blood draw hurt me this bad and I let someone stick me for their certification test.  (Love you, Crystal) 

Am I ready for surgery? No way.  I feel like I have so much left to do at home.  There is so much cleaning to still do and laundry that needs done.  I guess it will all be there when I'm feeling better. 

Some people have asked to visit me in the hospital.  Please don't take offense but I don't usually like visitors in the hospital.  I have to keep up the tough girl facade.  There are only a few people that I allow to see me when I'm not feeling well.  I appreciate all the people that do want to see me though.  I really do!  Right after surgery I will be on lots of pain meds and probably won't remember the people that are there anyway.  When I get home and feel well enough for company, all of you will know.  I will probably be asking for people to come hang out with me then.

These last few days are either going to fly by or seem twice as long.  I'm ready to get this overwith and be on the recovery side.  I've always said the anxiety before a surgery is the worst part.  You get yourself all worked up to find out it usually isn't as bad as you think it will be.

Wish me luck everyone.